This week, Cameron the Weimaraner explains the truth behind why dogs really participate in the so-called game of “fetch.”

I have discovered that hoomans have a major flaw. They pick random things up like a ball or a stick, throw that item a distance away and are just too lazy to go retrieve that item. Mike frequently grabs, tosses and just stands there. I feel sorry for him being so lazy he will not go fetch, and he’s a little on the slow side. I surmise that he had something in his hand, but then tossed it, and now suddenly wants it back. Are all hoomans this disoriented?

After each toss, I must come to the rescue. I feel so sad for Mike that I will go bring back the ball, stick, bird-like dummy or other item Mike had and tossed, but then for some odd reason he will not go get. I, however, do not stop there. I have been known to jump high into the air to catch items Mike has tossed. That seems to make him happy.

This tossing and waiting process is a little annoying for me, and my help comes with a price. Since I have to do the real work, I apply saliva to the item before I put it in Mike’s hand. After a time or two of fetch, that item becomes drenched in drool and becomes truly disgusting. You have been warned!

To add insult to Mike’s reckless toss-n-wait game, I apply so much drool that he soon does not want to touch the item he tossed. I win – the item becomes mine. If Mike keeps playing his odd toss-it-away game, however, I then run up to Mike and smear drool on his pants or shirt with a passing swipe. That spit-on-everything normally ends the game.

Take note, if any treat is tossed, I do NOT return those – period. I simply open my mouth when a treat is in the air and it disappears. Game on!

— Cameron

 

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