The other day I was eating a pheasant breast Mike had grilled when he said, “Cameron, slow down gobbling on that thing, it is very expensive per pound.”
Well, how dare him tell me how to eat. I descended from wolves and know about eating meat of all types.
Now I was curious, so I got out my calculator — well, I stole one from Mike’s office — and decided to calculate the price per pound of a pheasant breast. Here go on my estimates:
I first determined COSTS, to include: Shotgun (at least $2,000 for an upland model like Benelli’s ETHOS); shotshells ($20/box and most hunters need at least 3 boxes to get 3 birds for that pound of breasts, $60; 4×4 Truck — because no bird hunter drives a car, har har! — which runs about $65,000; hunting vest to hunt in style, $175; nice hat since someone may see you and a regular ball cap will not work, $75; bird breasting knife $100; upland boots like those Irish Setter sells, $200; Dog vest, $100; dog travel kit, $100 — and a GPS to find your way back to the truck, $300. Don’t forget your hunting licenses (or you’ll get a $200 ticket and drive the costs higher) but licenses are approximately $75. Grand total $68,185. Wait, does this calculator need new batteries? Ugh.
Well, I put a sharp toenail onto the division button (divided by one pound of pheasant breast, har har!) and the total again came to $68,185 per pound. I obviously am qualified to teach a college math class. That title has a nice ring, Professor Cameron! Doctor Cameron PhD, har har!
If you buy a cooler to bring the pheasant back from the field and grill to cook it on, you are driving the price higher. Go for it! I also suggest splurging more and getting some bacon to wrap the breasts in for grilling. (Add $7 more here to the total costs because bacon has become more expensive than gold).
This can only mean one thing, to drive the cost of pheasant breasts per pound lower, you will need to hunt more — and get more birds. Ok, you can cut costs per pound also by sleeping in the truck (no motel room, you in the back and hunting dog in the cab, har har!), wearing old boots and skipping the GPS, following your trusty dog back to the truck. I skipped adding the cost of a great hunting dog — like me — to the total costs because you can use the hunting dog for many more things and species. Standby, I will calculate the cost of hunting with dog. Until the next lesson, stay safe while hunting. —Cameron
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