The Appended And Annotated Gaddis-Webster Dictionary Of Sporting Lexicology

Noah Webster was obviously a learned man, dedicating his life to language, his name synonymous with “dictionary” in America, especially the “modern” Merriam-Webster version, published inaugurally within that notable ring from the human cambium, 1828.

In the process, he learned 26 languages, including Saxon and Sanskrit…not your everyday vernacular…simply to research the origins of his native tongue. When he was done, Merriam-Webster had 70,000 entries, surpassing Samuel Johnson’s 1755 British oeuvre in both scope and authority.

Moreover an imaginative chap, Webster cleverly brought distinctively American words such as skunk, hickory and chowder to legitimacy, even if his initiative toward simplified phonetical spelling reform, such as wimmen for women, and tung for tongue, met with less acceptance.

Lexicographer, textbook pioneer, political scribe, spelling reformer, editor, prolific author, the “Father of American Scholarship and Education,” his blue-spined speller books taught five generations of homeland children how to read and spell.

However, for all his ascendant and scholarly endowments, I fail to find anywhere in reference or legacy that he was a sportsman. This may explain why—though he cataloged definitive entries for the words hunter and fisher, along with roots and synonyms—he somewhat inexplicably and archaically came up short and dry on the descriptive representation of other words of the language closely and colorfully derived from or associated with these posteric arts.

So, fair reader, somewhat belatedly 190 years later, I take it upon myself to amend, edit and debut to you in more definitive remedy and scant sample a few such omissions—yet to be alphabetized—excerpted from the Inaugural Edition of The Appended and Annotated Gaddis-Webster Dictionary of Sporting Lexicology, copyright, 2018.

This upon the premise that if a picture is worth a thousand words, a word-picture is valued a million more:

Rainbow [reyn-boh] noun – a living spectrum of pugilistic colors originating in a stream rather than the sky

Wonder [won-der] noun – a puppy’s first point

Solstice [soul-stas] noun – life outdoors at 80

Gigantic [ji-gantik] adj. – your first bull moose; your last bull moose

Smoke [smok] noun – pyrolysis of your fly reel on a bonefish flat

Symphony [simfane] noun – a concerto of two notes, i.e. a bobwhite from a country porch at evenin’tide

Fishing [fiSHING] noun – a perpetual series of occasions for hope

Dream [drem] verb – to believe there will be a tomorrow exactly again as yesterday

Complete [kum-plet] adj. – how you feel when you gaze into your dog’s eyes

Regal [regal] adj.- a bull elk through a New Mexico meadow under a dawning sun

Alone [a-lon] adj. – just you, in an Alaskan wilderness drop camp in twilight

Safari [sa-färë] noun – a living dream that can only come true in Africa

Hunting [huntING] noun – a chess game of life and death you only occasionally win

Reality [re-alade] noun – that this day, in this way, will never come again

Remorse [ra-mors] noun – deep sadness midst an incomparable spike of happiness, i.e., the death at your hands of a creature magnificent, wild and free

Haunting [haun(t)ING] adj. – the whimper of a loon

Chilling [CHillING] adj. – the black mamba that suddenly stops in your path

Tomorrow [ta- moro] adverb – the day it will finally happen

Yesterday [yestar dã] adverb – the day you should’ve been here

Today [ta dã] adverb – the “maybe” day between yesterday and tomorrow

Must [must] noun – not “having to do something,” but a horny elephant

Awesome [ôsam] adj. – a .700 double rifle

Royal [roial] adj. – a Holland & Holland 20 gauge

Death [deTH] noun – seven tons of bull elephant at your feet

Life [lif] noun – the time you’re allotted to hunt and fish

Obsession [ab seSHan] noun – an incurable disease self-inflicted by turkey hunting

Ecstasy [ekstase] noun – at one with your lover in an African tent camp by a moonlit river, while listening to the hunting cough of a lion

Masochism [masa kizam] noun – a Himalayan snowcock hunt

Optimism [äpta misum] adj. – applying for an October elk tag in Arizona’s Unit 9.

Mystery [mistare] noun – where the hell you put your _______ the end of last season

Deer [dir] noun – a thing that can make you less endeared

Happy [hape] adj. – when turkey season opens; when turkey season ends

Wilderness [wilderness] noun – a place your soul stays when your heart returns home

Cast [kast] noun – a poem written by an inspired pointing dog

Intuition [int(y)o o iSHan] noun – the little voice that says it’s gonna be a crackerjack day even before you go

Stoned [stoned] adj. – a woodcock that came in last night under a full moon

Heart-stopping [hart stäpiNG] adj. – stepping into roosted quail on the way to your morning deer stand

Fanfare [fan fair] noun – the wondrous fandango a gobbler does

Conservation [conserve] verb – putting back for tomorrow what you took today

Paragon [pera gön] noun – a perfect diamond of 100 carats or more, i.e., a great grouse dog

Zen [zin] noun – a sensation you get on a sheep hunt at 12,000 feet that not two percent of the world’s population ever knows

Common [käman] adj. – nothing outdoors

Timeless [tïmlis] adj. – The Old Man and the Boy

Tradition [tra diSHan] noun – a soulful repetition the heart demands

Spellbinding [spel bindiNG] adj. – your first trip to Africa; your 21st trip to Africa

Secret [sēkrit] noun – something only a grouse hunter keeps

Frugal [fro o gal] adj. – attending an estate shoot with one Purdey rather than a pair

Truth [trooTH] noun – a factual assertion habitually avoided by fishermen

Shoveler [SHov(a)lar] noun – not a gravedigger, but the mallard from Miami

Temperance [temp(a)rans] noun – a single malt

Shrinkage [SHriNGij] noun – what happens to your man-parts when you go in over your waders, i.e. Editor Chuck Wechsler

Slap shot [slap shot] noun – Tungsten #9s

Reborn [rebôrn] adj. – each autumn

Predictability [pra dikta bilade] noun – the 100-percent odds that the height of the salmon fly hatch will fall squarely upon your wedding anniversary

Fumigate [fyo oma ät] verb – an expression of extreme ire that your hunting partner forgot to leave the key at the gate

Skinny-stripping [skine stripING] verb – fly fishing in nothin’ but chaps an’ a cowboy hat – Wooohaaa!

Temptation [tem(p) taSH(a)n] noun – the whoppin’ covey that just crossed the neighbor’s property line

Solitude [säla t(y)o od] noun – a soulsome adventure with yourself

Otter [ädar] verb – Ozark, “to do something;” I “otter” skin that log

Shotgun [sHät gun] verb – what you did when you pulled the trigger

Beggar-lice – [begarz lïs] noun – Bobwhite caviar

Action [akSH(a)n] noun – a foreplay measurement estimating of the capability of your rod

Bow [bÖ] noun – generic redneck name for a hunting or fishing companion

Gunslip [gän slip] verb – to accidentally drop your gun

Stuff [stuf] noun – the paraphernalia you can never have too much of

Tommyrot [täme rät] noun – your story, not mine

Handgun [han gun] verb – Indian phrase for “hand me your gun”

Sage-grouse [säge grous] noun – a belligerent South Dakota bird hunting partner

Scotch-double [scäTCH dubl] noun – a double-snort of Glenlivet

Dry-fly [dri fli] noun – one you ain’t got wet yet

Finis.