Due to the cost of dog food — Mike has informed me I must get a job.

Well, the other day Mike was grumbling — again. When I walked by, he pressed a receipt for a bag of dog food in my face. Seems that the price of dog food that was only $60/bag a couple of years back is now $99 for 40 pounds today. Yikes! If you have a dog to feed at your house, you know the pain. Mike has demanded I must get a job.

So I was thinking, what jobs can I do? I could work at a restaurant and pre-clean plates — but I would be much better suited pre-tasting the bacon, cornbread, fried chicken and steaks as an executive chef, har har! I could also be a hunting and fishing guide. I know to work as a guide of any type on most federal lands I must learn CPR. My clients would be thrilled when I lean over them to do mouth-to-muzzle CPR, har har!

I could also get a job at a 5-star hotel pre-warming beds for guests. No, that’s not dog hair, it’s canine glitter and that drool on the pillow is free, har har!

Or I could just dive in and entertain guests in the pool.

Then there is the ultimate job — critter varmint removal. I caught a rodent just the other day and I am practiced to stand by and stare down rodent holes for hours without blinking. I know that varmint is in there somewhere. When varmints do emerge, I often grab them by the head, flip them into the air and then chase, catch and grind. Hey, someone has to do it or the world will be quickly overrun with varmints — much like Washington DC is overrun with elected varmint officials, har har!

Well, I’m working on my resume today. If you need a dog with a long list of upland birds on his resume, PM me. —Cameron